Sadness and some hope

We received this church email on Wednesday afternoon:

It is with deep sadness that we join Matt, Lisa, Eli and the extended De Kam and Blankespoor families in announcing the death of 3-year old Micah Gene De Kam. Without any previously disconcerting warning signs, Micah turned critically ill on Tuesday morning. Micah is with the Lord Jesus today as he succumbed to a malignant brain tumor. We entrust Matt, Lisa, Eli and all their families to the gracious care of our sovereign, Savior God: “Lord, Listen to the prayers of these families that put their trust in you. In their sorrow at the death of Micah, may they find hope and strength in your infinite mercy. Grant them the peace that passes all understanding and that is anchored in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Amen!”

We are mourning with the entire family. We are thankful for the knowledge that Micah was welcomed into the arms of Jesus, but still are sad for the loss of such a young, sweet boy. 

The bit of hope comes from my cousin Stephanie's appointment with the chief of Neurology at the hospital she is at in San Francisco.They have scheduled surgery for next week on September 12. From my aunt and uncle: 

 We met with the surgeon today and he provided more hope concerning the type of tumor in her head than what we were expecting. It is a large tumor and he stated that it has been there for some time indicating that most of it is a slow growing type (good news). Due to its size it is impossible to remove the entire growth but he will remove what he can. The Dr. stated that he performs about one of this type of surgery a week, while other neurologists may only see one of these cases in 10 years. He is concerned about a small area that has a different "shade" indicating that his area may be a more aggressive type. The exact path of post surgery treatment will be determined once the tumor has been identified. We know that God is in control and that he is listening to the many prayers being made on Stephanie's behalf.Thank you all for your prayers and concerns.

Thank you all for your continued prayers.

Emotional Roller Coaster

 

Man, what a week. I'm going to apologize right now for my ramblings. There are so many things going through my head. I've shed many tears today. And it being the 1st day of school wasn't the cause of any of them!

Here are the 1st day of school pics that I took this morning.

 

 

Truman before going to day care!

Saying "cheese" doesn't work so well with him :)

My 7th grader that didn't want to do the "normal" 5 and 2 for 7

How did she get to be a 5th grader already!?!

It was a crazy day back at the high school.  We had a special first day where the 9th graders and any new 10th - 12th graders were introduced to the school in small groups.  Then there was a gathering in the gym where they all learned the school song, their class chant and AVHS alumni that are now on staff spoke about their experience.  I was one of those alumni.  I was scared spitless. But, I shared some of the advice given by my facebook friends and it made it a lot easier!

Because of that assembly time and the tours we gave the students, the rest of the day was compressed. Seven class periods for only about 20 minutes.  It was a whirlwind of a day!

This weekend I received some very sad news about one of my 1st cousins.  Stephanie is originally from the Denver area.  She had worked as a manager for Target and DSW and then was asked to help turn around the store in San Francisco.  She did do that.  San Francisco was a challenging place for this single, Christian girl.  Stephanie recently changed jobs and is now a district manager for Burlington Coat Factory.

She had been experiencing migraines for the last 6 months or so.  The last 3 months she had gone to a neurologist and been trying different medications.  They never did a CT scan or MRI.  She was headed into the pharmacy this weekend to pick up a new prescription when she fainted.  The paramedics were called and she was brought to the hospital.  A CT scan showed what they thought was about a 7cm tumor.  Unfortunately, Stephanie's new insurance had not kicked in yet.  It kicked in a couple of days later.  She was released from the hospital in the meantime (her insurance covered a different hospital) and then just today was able to get her MRI.

My aunt and uncle (it is my Mom's sister, Linda) flew out to be with Stephanie.  They will be with her tomorrow when she meets with the neurology team.  The preliminary results indicate that it is glioblastoma.  It is a pretty scary diagnosis with not a very positive prognosis.  Steph is only 37 years old.  She's been through a heartbreaking divorce.  How much more can she and the family take?

Today during the school day I checked my home email.  There was a prayer request from church regarding a 3 year old...Micah.  He is one of Truman's buddies at church.  He had been brought into the hospital and they were going to perform surgery because he had a mass on his brain that was impeding his breathing.  At that point they weren't sure if it was a tumor or not.  As they started the surgery they found it was a bleeding tumor and the prognosis was not good.  Later, the update was that the whole tumor was taken out, but Micah was unresponsive and again, recovery was not likely. This poor family!!  I cannot imagine what they are going through!!  I am so thankful that our church will be able to rally around them, pray for them, encourage them, grieve with them, whatever the outcome.

 I am thankful for all my family and friends that are praying for Stephanie and Micah. Everytime I stopped today, I had tears in my eyes.  I read messages that people wrote on my status update saying they were praying for Micah and Stephanie.  I saw messages they posted on Lisa's (Micah's mom) timeline on facebook.

One thing that amazed me about all of this...yesterday, out of the blue, Truman said, "We're not going to Micah's house today."  I said, "You're right, buddy, we're not going there today."  He had gone there this summer for a few days for Backyard Bible Club.  He hadn't seen him recently, we hadn't talked about him recently. So where did that come from?  God works in mysterious ways.

On top of all this, I had my first day coaching the 7th/8th grade soccer team at TLO.  I'm so thankful that Jon helped me put a practice plan together!  And that our wonderful school secretary, Jean Peterson, was there as an extra helper.  Her prayer with the kids when I read the update about Micah was perfect.  I have never met another person who exemplifies living out the Christian life as much as she does.

Please continue to pray for Stephanie, her family, Micah and his family.

My co-worker's husband was also admitted to the hospital this weekend.  He was in ICU on Sat and Sun, but has been moved to a regular room.  He is having internal bleeding, but they have not been able to pin point where he is bleeding. Pray for healing for Gary, as well.

My Story...

When I think about “My Story” it doesn’t feel very remarkable.  There were no major events in my life that really defined me or steered me in a specific direction.  So when I shared a part of life with a good friend I didn’t suspect that a year later she would tell me that it had a huge impact on her life.

I grew up in the suburbs.  My parents are still married after 43 years.  We took family vacations.  There was no abuse, no drugs, nothing.  I married my college sweetheart 2 months after graduation.  We are still married 16 ½ years later.  We have 3 beautiful children.  We haven’t had any major traumas.  No abuse, no drugs, no cancer, no unemployment, no major issues.

How then could my story affect my friend?

It starts in 2006.

Sometime during that year a couple close to us was going through some major marital problems.  I would lay awake at night thinking about them and their children.  What should I say?  Should I say anything?  Praying, praying and praying.

Also in the fall of 2006 I started working a little more than I had the few years prior.  I went from a .6 position just teaching kids with learning disabilities to now working .8 with .2 of that being students with emotional and behavioral disorders.  So I added a little more than an hour a day and added about 4 or 5 students with more behavior needs.

So now I was also awake thinking about these students and their issues.  I was exhausted all the time.

Because it is so easy to diagnose something in someone else…I had pegged this friend of ours as being depressed.  I said, “Hey, if you go to the doctor for depression, I’ll go too!”  There were a lot of conversations that had gone on prior to this declaration on my part. Many of them were via email.  Not always the smartest of ways to communicate.  Especially when there are emotions involved.  You can’t hear the tone the person is trying to use in their voice and it is often interpreted incorrectly.  There was a lot of that going on in our conversations.  The friend did go to the doctor, but I hadn’t yet.

I started thinking about things that I never thought about before.  I would be sitting at a stoplight, see train tracks and think, “What if I just drove head on into a train?”  I never really considered doing it, but just that thought running through my head made me realize I really needed to do something.

Things at school were not getting any better.  One of the kids on my caseload was the most high profile kid in the school.  It felt like I was being put down as a teacher because I couldn’t come up with a way to help this kid stay out of trouble and help the teachers with a way to work with this kid.  Plus I had another one that had severe psychological needs and he scared the crap out of me some days.

I would leave school, pick up the kids from school and daycare and just want to sleep.  I would turn the TV on to their favorite shows and go lay down on our bed.  Of course I felt guilty about that too.  What kind of mom does that?

Finally I made the appointment.  The first time I had gone to see this doctor for a physical, it was a little awkward because I had gone to school with her in junior high!  She now was married and had a different last name, so I wasn’t even thinking about it that first time!  As soon as she walked into the room for this appointment, I burst into tears. (Not a huge surprise for those that know me!)  We talked a little bit and then I filled out a questionnaire about how I felt, if I thought of harming myself, if I was tired all the time, etc.

Guess what.  I was depressed.  I knew that, but it still didn’t feel real.  Why is it that we still have such a negative reaction to mental illness?  In fact, even now, 6 years later, there are members of my family that I haven’t told about this.  Not sure why not.  Embarrassed?  Maybe.  Ashamed?  Maybe.  I know I shouldn’t be, but there is still a stigma attached.

I started on medication and found the right dosage for me.  At one time I stopped taking it over the summer thinking it was school that was stressing me out, I didn’t need it then.  But that fall I went back and got a prescription again.  I have continued to take the medication and am on it today.  There have been times I missed it for a few days, if I didn’t call for the refill on time.  And I can tell the difference.  It makes me feel like me.  I am a much better mom, wife and teacher when I have my meds.  I still cry at the drop of a hat J but I have come to accept that part of my temperament.

They also had me do a couple of counseling sessions.  I didn’t find those particularly helpful.  Nothing against the counselor, but it didn’t do it for me.

The friend that told me that the story had a huge impact on her life is a friend I greatly admire.  She is a strong Christian, has a beautiful family, has endured many struggles with family illnesses and truly loves all of my children too.  I am humbled that my story touched a chord in her and helped her in her struggles.  I thank God that I found the help that I needed.  When I start to feel overwhelmed, I know I need to take a step back, take some time for myself and then let God.